Trump Flash Quickie: Sean Spicer’s Unintended Stroke of Genius (February 9, 2017) Revised

Here is the fourth appearance of a new Trump.45 species of information transfer, a hint of his gracious MAGA restoration effort. Imagine the sound of a flashbulb popping on a heavy 40’s style news photog’s camera wielded by a Joe Pesci-type character, revealing in an instant the seamy side of politics, life, love, social gossip, and juicy scandal. Who would ever have believed the intimate connexity of the terms Presidential and Quickie would be a seriously appropriate item of discourse?

Joe Pesci as the Classic 1940’s Ambush Street Photographer Chasing the Good Stuff

Welcome to Trumpville, y’all. Popcorn at the back. Also, Trump.45 hats and other souvenir merchandise available at just a small (really, very tiny) markup, all to support only the very best of causes (personally determined by our Dear Leader, DJT).

Fourth up on the turntable, a Press Secretary cum Communications Director for the Ages.

Trump’s Press Secretary: My Statements Are More Important Than Trump’s Tweets

02/09/2017, Christina Wilkie, The Huffington Post

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer tried to downplay the importance of President Donald Trump’s tweets on Thursday by emphasizing how important Spicer’s own statements to the press are.

Spicer was attempting to explain to reporters at the daily press briefing why Trump did not use his massive Twitter reach to address last month’s mass shooting at a Quebec mosque. Earlier this week, White House aide Kellyanne Conway had defended Trump’s silence by saying, “The president doesn’t tweet about everything.”

But why, Sirius XM correspondent Jared Rizzi asked, was Trump so willing to use Twitter to launch an attack on Nordstrom ― over his daughter’s clothing line, no less ― when he didn’t use it to respond to the deadly Jan. 29 attack by a white supremacist?

The press secretary, who was already on the defensive, became irate.

“I stood at this podium and opened a briefing a couple days ago about the president expressing his condolences [for the mosque shooting],” Spicer said. “I opened the briefing about it. So for you to sit there and say ― why are you asking why [Trump] didn’t , when I stood here and did it? I don’t understand what you’re asking.”

“I came out here and actually spoke about it,” Spicer repeated. “What are you ― you’re equating me addressing the nation here, with a tweet? That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.” (emphasis added)

Indeed, Spicer said at a Jan. 30 briefing that Trump had spoken by phone with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and expressed his condolences.

The testy exchange on Thursday underscored the difficulty Trump’s aides are having as they try to defend the president’s choice to use his enormous platform on Twitter, where he has some 25 million followers, to rail about trivial things while ignoring major events like the Quebec shooting.

Sean Spicer Early On Trying to Tame the Press Beast With Papers, Highlighter, and Visuals Having Mixed Success

Sean Spicer has had a hard lot recently, and a badly bumbling start to his dual role as the main pubic face of all things Trump Presidential, except for appearances by Big Daddy himself. With an occasional dash of Kellyanne. Meanwhile, Bannon is mostly skulking out of sight, though he occasionally shows up for radio-telephone contact

From Spicer’s very first press interaction on Saturday after the Inauguration when he wanted to talk about the sizes of the vaunted Presidential equipment as reflected in crowd size numbers (which was a laughable farce), poor Sean has struggled.

Spicer Practicing the Patented Trump Administration Finger Point of Control On the Press, Imitating Trump.45

He has come off as a lumbering, rather slow-witted public face for Trump’s early adventurism. Whether Spicer is talking about botched military raids, hurried and poorly planned immigration order rollouts, or the President’s incredible saddle burr about his daughter’s floundering commercial aspirations, Spicer had done little to improve the public reception of Trump.45’s initiatives by the absolute majority of Americans who had not already consented to drink Trump’s Kool-Aid last fall.

In other words no coalition building, no growth in general public support, no unity or aspirational appeals to the rest of America (the 54% who wanted nothing to do with Trump’s exaggerated, overblown campaign rhetoric).

As the protégé, protected under the wing of Reince from Wisconsin, Spicer and his mini-team were losing rather badly in the senior staff infighting contest with the Stephen twins. Led by Stevie-Boy Dark Lord Bannon who seems to have the run of the place (Oval Office anyway) and to dominate the inside track of Trump.45’s limited tolerance for detailed policy consideration and decision making protocols.

Trump is bored with anything resembling a detailed discussion, hates books, doesn’t read unless he’s literally forced too, and insists, according to inside leaks of tidbits not denied by spokespersons, on receiving written briefings in memoranda from that are uniformly less than one page in length containing bullet points, but not more than nine in any one memo. It takes my breath away to contemplate that in less than three weeks Trump.45 has already imposed this much order on a chaotic world, that any problem requires less than one age (roughly 300 words) to identify, analyze, and solve. Holy cow, how come he’s only worth $4 billion?

The new Trump working style should become famous around the globe and in all political power centers as the Presidential Applesauce Decision Making Paradigm. No chewing, easy to swallow, soft and sweet on the tongue, and easy to digest.

Sean Spicer at the Republican National Committee, In Happier Times. Note the Wall Inspiration

So, it is fair to say that Spicer, under the best of circumstances, has not had a whole lot of good stuff to work with here. And he has had to spend an inordinate amount of time following along behind Trump’s daily outbursts and Twits cleaning up the excremental debris after the parade animals (elephants, bulls, horses, and jackasses, in that order) have passed by on main street U.S.A.. Sort of like the Disneyland clean up crews with shovels, trash cans, and air freshener keeping up appearances for the tourists.

Until very recently, Kellyanne had appeared to be the superior media calmness whisperer, better able to soft soap or dodge, as needed, the uncomfortable, persistent and occasionally rude questions directed Trump’s way, and more elegantly, artfully and effectively than overloaded beast of burden Spicer.

In the last 48 hours, Kellyanne has suffered some significant bad bumps herself, what with the Bowling Green Massacre that never happened sandwich she dropped herself in, her flat and unconvincing defense of Trump’s sudden unTwitted silence about the recent terrorist massacre in Canada (not 6,000 miles away by ocean like the Middle East) but just a couple hour car ride overland from within the good old US of A, and then her latest pickle today when she exerted her now classic commercial defense of Ivanka Trump’s declining clothing and shoe sales. Go Buy some, indeed.

Spicer on Guard in the Press Room, Seeking Internal Mental Clarification and Verbal Inspiration

This was a golden opportunity, Heaven sent, for Spicer to shine, and perhaps save his job before Trump, already frustrated, decided to move the furniture around. It was not to be.

It has been notable that Spicer has produced only pedestrian comebacks and return volleys to press questions and barbs so far. There have been no sparking, witty zingers to restore the balance of combat. Of course, it doesn’t help that Trump wants, always and forever, to micromanage Spicer’s performances with instant post-game in person critical reviews after Spicer engages the media and leaves the stage. The poor guy doesn’t even get a chance to take a leak first.

As we have learned from watching Trump in official action, it is quite clear that he is morally certain he could do a fabulous, hugely better job at being Press Secretary, and Communications Director, as well as US. Trade Representative, and President too, all at the same time with more than one hand tied behind his back, while eating a Big Mac and drinking a Diet Coke, to boot.

Who knows, Trump may yet decide that’s the best way to go forward.

In the meantime, sadly Spicer lost another opportunity today when the press conversation came around again to the lack of a Canadian Tweet of Condolences.

Spicer showed some mustard, it must be said, with his righteous assertion quoted above:

“I came out here and actually spoke about it,” Spicer repeated. “What are you ― you’re equating me addressing the nation here, with a tweet? That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.” (emphasis added)

In a New York flash (and that’s a very quick flash, I can tell you), Spicer has contributed to the lore of Presidential Press Secretary’s greatest moments. He has inadvertently stumbled upon and communicated the very crux of the matter.

As a matter of fact, Trump’s twits are far more important, informative, and critical to following this Administration than anything Spicer has to say in hours of painful sparring and repartee with the enemy press corps.

For one thing, Spicer doesn’t get to just lay it out, leave the stage, and go dark. There is a lively interaction back and forth. Trump twits in splendid isolation, with no instant pushback, so he can remain calm and focused, convinced he has annihilated the foe (whether they be unfair, disgusting, dishonest press, the New York Times, so-called Federal judges, or various other haters and losers) that constantly plague the great Trump.45.. It’s good and satisfyingly pleasant to be the Trump, when no one can talk back.

Trump’s Twitter followers are a nominal 24 plus million. Of course, this number is fake and doesn’t reflect a count of real people. There are perhaps 20% of his enumerated supposed followers which are phony bot accounts; another goodly number are followers, but don’t really read or engage with the content. Membership with the in-crowd is just a sign-up for solidarity showpiece souvenir. Sort of like wearing a Yankees jersey while not knowing who is on the team, where the stadium is located, and never having seen a game in person or on TV, etc.

Nevertheless, Trump does have a couple tens of millions of interested Twitter followers, who likely get most or all of their current events news direct from the source. I haven’t seen any Nielsen ratings for his efforts, but it is inconceivable that Spicer’s press contests have anything like that viewing presence, not to mention that the hated news media gets to parse, water down, and distort whatever he says before they broadcast it.. Even if they show 30 or 45 seconds of his work otherwise unedited on the news, the footage is still selected, and surrounded by a commentary sandwich that can dilute and distort the intended message.

Fox News may play it straight up according to the White House playbook, but when that network is smoking hot for routine news you are still only talking about 3 or 4 million viewers at best. Even at that, why would a Trumpite watch watered down Spicer when he or she can most likely watch the Big Dog himself if they stick around a little while, as Teump.45 literally can’t seem to help himself before butting in to try and sculpt the conversation, no matter how inconsequential or benign.

Predicting the unknown is always fraught with danger. And if anything has been shown in this tumultuous political cycle, it is that the unbelievable and unfathomable does not always remain so. A sort of correction is needed here. While it remains entirely true that Sean at his best can’t compete 1 on 1 with the Donald, even on cruise control, at 25 million followers and counting, it turns out that Spicer does quite well actually in the late afternoon TV ratings stakes, per the gold standard Nielsen boys. It seems that Sean racks up numbers for his WH Presss Briefings in the 3-4 million range, essentially matching the compliant news folks at Fox. Spicer is behind the best of the daytime soaps but he is mid range with some others. Maybe the unending train wreck that is the Daily Press Combat gives off an American Gladiator type vibe, and people watch in hopes of seeing blood spilled or a 10-car pileup. I have increased my regular offerings to the Prediction Gods in hopes this will partially clear up my cloudy crystal ball. Caveat emptor, people.

Spicer is holding a losing hand. He doesn’t really know what flash bang is going to go off next, so that he could try and tend the garden and build up a coherent narrative over time. Trump doesn’t have a coherent plan, and delights in making it up as he goes along, depending on his gut secretions. So Spicer would have to be an accomplished psychic along with all the other necessary job skills in order to anticipate where Trump is going next. And Spicer is no psychic, accomplished or otherwise.

So, Sean my man, your hot live remark is exactly a perfect 10 out of 10, dead on point, sliver of wisdom. The Trump.45 Tweets are oodles more important that whatever you have said, can say, or ever will say, so long as you are in the White House. As for silly things, not al all. It is the fundament of truth, the truest essence of the Trump era. What’s silly is that you don’t get it yet.

I have this image of Spicer being replaced by an animatronic Max Headroom character from the 1980’s with a TV screen above the neckline, channeling loops of Trump and only Trump 24/7 without pause or signing off the air ever.

That’s what Trump really wants, and unless Spicer can arrange a robotic hybrid head transplant, he will forever come up short in his Master’s estimation.

Not to mention the deadly pall that has stuck the Spicer Inner Office group, after Melissa McCarthy’s dead on SNL parody this past week.

Is It or Isn’t It? Melissa McCarthy’s Wicked Spot On Version of Sean Spicer for a Saturday Night Live Skit. Trump Was Not Amused.

Spicer showed more than a little old-school class and charm, by sort of laughing the whole thing off, and making the good on ‘ya downhome comeback that Mellissa needs to dial it back and lighten up on the gum. Too many pieces. All the while Sean is gnashing his teeth quietly. That showed some guts and a bit of collegial get-along spirit that would be helpful to him and to Trump as well, if there were enough time. But Trump is impatient, time is critically short, and Spicer was dissed by a woman, and a fat one at that, during a must watch show Trump can’t help but obsess over, and equally can’t stand being made fun in its skits.And in this regard, let me be very clear, criticize Spicer, and what you are actually doing in aiming poison arrows directly at the Office of the President of the United States, and worse simultaneously at one prideful Donald J. Trump who is sacrificing so hugely for all of America, everyday and so deserves much better treatment and respect for his office and his personal person

And that folks, will not stand. Trump will pursue the perpetrators to the ends of the earth for revenge, domination and satisfaction. It doesn’t help that SNL is having its best ratings in 22 years, after Trump has already written it off on Twitter officially as failing, disappointing, bad, and so sad.

I’m afraid that Spicer ought to make sure his suitcase is packed, and that he doesn’t sign any long term leases on a house or car in Washington. He likely won’t need either much longer. I wonder if he has already moved all his stuff into new digs suitable for the White House senior staff elite.

And then of course there is Bathrobegate, Spicer’s other permanent contribution to American political humor in early 2017.

Trump Lounging in Bathrobe (circa 1994) Contradicting Spicer’s Absolute Public Assertion to the Contrary

Here with proof positive. An un-retouched photo shows the Donald lounging in bed wearing at least a white terry (?) bathrobe for sure, if nothing else beneath. Sean blew that one, hugely. There is great wisdom contained in the sage advice given to lawyers that they should never ask a witness at trial a question to which the lawyer doesn’t already know the answer. For press flacks the professionally analogous version might be never make a definitive statement when there is photographic evidence that when published makes you look like a fool.

A Second Trump Bathrobe Tableau Lounging with a Female Companion (likely Wife Marla Maples)

And it just gets worse from that starting point. When the amateur sleuthing armies around the internet are sufficiently challenged or annoyed by patent Trump nonsense claims, the engines hum, the gears turn, and the nimble fingers fly. Photographic archives are consulted and poured over. Thus the bad news for Spicer’s Defensive Wall of no wear, no own accumulates.

Trump in Yellow Bathrobe at Home Doing Daddy Duty (believed taken about 1980)

There are at least five separate pictures of Trump wearing at least a bathrobe if nothing else. And fashion plate style that he espouses, the robes displayed are in three different colors: white, yellow, and red. Though none were definitively dated in the multiple sources I saw, the three with Donald in white appear to be of similar vintage. He is shown wearing the same robe with three stripes of gold piing around the base of the sleeves and a head to toe pose on the bed with a woman who looks like second wife Marla, dating the pictures sometime roughly between say 1994-1996.

Trump Clad in Red Robe Changing Diaper (date unknown) per Daily Mail story

Since Trump is all about symbolism, is this early pictorial evidence of his heart’s desire for ultimate command: stripes on the sleeves and fruit salad on the chest, with scrambled eggs on the bill of his ball cap he has politely removed for indoor intimate wear? A mental fantasy scenario played out in real life as he achieves Commander in Chief rank 20 years later? How many sleeve stripes does a President rate compared to a mere Fleet Admiral, much less the puny Commander’s rank stripes (3 gold ½ inch stripes encircling both sleeves according to the U.S. Navy rank insignia hierarchy) which grace Trump’s first bathrobe effort of 20 years ago.

Trump in White Bathrobe Believed Holding Daughter Tiffany (circa 1995)

I can only wonder what Trump’s White House bathrobe looks like right now, assuming he may still secretly have one hidden around somewhere in the personal quarters to wear when no nosy reporters are around to ridicule him for his dressing preferences.

A Closing in Honor of Sean Spicer

Official U.S. Naval Officer Insignia Sleeve Markings by Rank (Commander is shown in bottom row, first on left)

As for Sean Spicer, unlike his boss, Spicer has an honorable record of direct personal military service to his country. He has been an officer in the U.S Naval Reserve for 18 years, and was awarded a Masters degree from the Naval War College in 2012. He current military rank is Commander (meaning he actually earned his 3 ½ inch officer’s gold sleeve insignia stripes.)

It also means he is Trump’s superior in educational achievement, since Trump is limited to a mere undergraduate bachelors degree, and Spicer has a Masters from the Naval War College.

It seems a shame for an honorably serving military reserve officer to be led around by the nose following a fop who plays toy soldier, and obstinately insists on being accorded the dignity of high office by right, and has never done anything to earn the additional individual respect that the office normally confers on its occupants, so long as they behave consistently with the public trust.

Not to mention the scrambled eggs and fruit salad dreams that dance around unchecked inside Trump’s head like sugarplum fairies on Christmas eve.

Formal Inspection by Serving U.S. Naval Officer of his Command. Officer Wearing Dress Blues with Fruit Salad and Scrambled Eggs visible.

Still, Sean Spicer tour of duty in the White House may be shortly coming to an end. The fault would largely rest with Trump’s behavior, but don’t expect to see it portrayed that way on Fox News, Breitbart, or the WhiteHouse.gov website.

The U.S. Navy Has Not Always Had Difficulty Getting Its Message Across. Recruiting Poster from 1917 During Wartime.

In lingo any military veteran or their family members will recognize, the present situation is critical and F.U.B.A.R.

And May God Still Bless America.

Someone is Always Watching You. Trump’s America 2017

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