Today’s Rolling in the Aisles Hot Flash Laugher is Trump.45’s latest diplomatic policy announcement via the Official-45 Twit Site this evening, just around dinner time (5:30 PM Washington Time).

Here goes (from the magnificent Trump Twitter Archive):

  1. Jan 2, 2018 05:23:41 PM – Congratulations to Senator Orrin Hatch on an absolutely incredible career. He has been a tremendous supporter, and I will never forget the (beyond kind) statements he has made about me as President. He is my friend and he will be greatly missed in the U.S. Senate!
  2. Jan 2, 2018 05:37:56 PM – It’s not only Pakistan that we pay billions of dollars to for nothing, but also many other countries, and others. As an example, we pay the Palestinians HUNDRED OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS a year and get no appreciation or respect. They don’t even want to negotiate a long overdue…
  3. Jan 2, 2018 05:37:57 PM – …peace treaty with Israel. We have taken Jerusalem, the toughest part of the negotiation, off the table, but Israel, for that, would have had to pay more. But with the Palestinians no longer willing to talk peace, why should we make any of these massive future payments to them? (emphasis added)

His Jerusalem Proclamation is part of a gorgeous Triple-T, a Trump Twitting Threesome. Trump.45 has newly arisen from his afternoon nap, no doubt anticipating a hearty meal to come shortly, with a double ice-cream dessert portion, as is his wont. But on his way out the door, Trump.45 just wanted to clarify a couple of serious events that happened earlier today.

The first (and least important) was his paean of praise to “I Won’t Run Again” Utah U.S. Senator Orrin Hatch, at 83 years old the Dean of the Republican Senate Caucus (and longest serving senator from Utah in U.S. History) who announced he was going to hang up his political gloves at the end of 2018. When he retires in January 2019, Hatch will be the second most senior serving U.S. Senator (behind only Patrick Leahy of Vermont) and will have moved past the late Carl Hayden of Arizona, into 6th place all-time for service as a U.S. Senator, of any party.

Trump.45 Twit lauds Hatch as a friend and supporter of Trump.45, and the praise he (Hatch) has given Truump.45 during his incredible 11-month Presidency to #MAGA.

This was the easy part, since Trump.45 doesn’t actually know anything about Hatch’s 42-year Senate legislative career, like what bills bear his name, and all that boring stuff.

When one person serves 42 years in the U.S. Senate consecutively, there is bound to be a long list of involvements. Too much to describe here., beyond a tasty treat or two. Read the entire Wikipedia summary about Orrin Hatch for yourself.

In 1976, in his first run for public office, Hatch was elected to the United States Senate, defeating Democrat Frank Moss, a three-term incumbent. Among other issues, Hatch criticized Moss’s 18-year tenure in the Senate, saying “What do you call a Senator who’s served in office for 18 years? You call him home.” Hatch ran on the promise of term limits and argued that many Senators, including Moss, had lost touch with their constituents.

Hatch originally supported former Florida Governor Jeb Bush and then endorsed Florida Senator Marco Rubio once Bush ended his campaign. On May 12, 2016, after Donald Trump became the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Hatch endorsed him.

On May 27, 2016, after Trump suggested that a federal judge Gonzalo P. Curiel was biased against Trump because of his Mexican heritage, Hatch said: “From what I know about Trump, he’s not a racist but he does make a lot of outrageous statements…I think you can criticize a judge but it ought to be done in a formal way” and said that Trump’s statements were not so inappropriate that he would rescind his support.

On October 7, 2016, following the Donald Trump Access Hollywood controversy, Hatch described Trump’s comments as “offensive and disgusting” and said that “There is no excuse for such degrading behavior. All women deserve to be treated with respect.” Hatch maintained his endorsement of Trump’s candidacy.

Well done, Orrin, Mr. Consistency. As for Trump.45’s ‘friend’ assessment, calling the Estimable Dr. Harold Bornstein (Trump.45’s personal doc until February 2017), calling Dr Bornstein!!

Sir, what are the results fromTrump.45’s most recent formal Mental Status Examination (MSE)? An exam procedure that you undoubtedly carried out as part of your own careful clinical evaluation of our nation’s Commander in Chief, along with reporting on his use of finasteride, the baldness prevention drug.

This was the easy part, since Trump.45 doesn’t know anything about Hatch’s 42 year legislative career, like what bills bear his name, and all that boring stuff.

Hatch’s brand of rhetorical eloquence is captured in this gem of a quote:

“Capital punishment is our society’s recognition of the sanctity of human life.

Amen, and don’t you forget it.

Content to ego bull his way in and step all over Hatch’s retirement notice after 40 plus years in the Senate, Trump caps off his Twit with a FAKE NEWS picture of his own making. The picture was not taken today, and the setting was two weeks ago (December 20, 2017) when Trump.45 gathered all the Republican troops to the White House for a photo-op to celebrate Trump.45’s great tax plan victory. Trump.45 was, as usual, patting himself on the back, contentedly beaming as he accepted the accolades of his minions on national TV, and using the assembled elected Republican Congressional munchkins, including Hatch, as a colorful photographic backdrop to the Miracle That is Trump.45.

Ever mindful of efficient resource utilization of his personal time while not playing golf, Trump.45 has repurposed that picture to do double duty for today’s Twit. Expect to see this iconic gem other times and other places in the future. It’s a pain to get all those Congress turkeys to line up in one place at the same time for a glorious Trump.45 inspired photo with the man.

When Trump took this picture, he didn’t know what Hatch was going to do about retiring this year. FAKE, FAKE, FAKE!, for the purpose implied. But you won’t see the picture retreaded for use in Hatch’s re-election portfolio, as there won’t be one for 2018.

What Trump.45’s noisily meshing mental gears haven’t factored in yet about this situation is that Hatch’s retirement from the 2018 electoral fray just paved the Golden Way for one Willard Mitt Romney to succeed him.

Think I’m kidding? Get a load of this from Romney’s Wikipedia entry. I mean, Hatch’s going is not 12 hours old and 71 year of Mitt Romney is already gearing up. Uh, Oh Trump fans.

On January 2, 2018, after Orrin Hatch announced he would retire, Romney changed his Twitter location from Massachusetts to Holladay, Utah.

I mean, Hatch’s going, going… is not yet 12 hours old and 70-year old Mitt Romney is already gearing up. No moss anywhere on his body parts. Uh, Oh Trump fans. Where in the hell was Trump.45’s crackerjack, best of the best political staff and his canny outside advisors in all this? My besty friend Orrin, is their A-Game? Rookie TV show writers do better than that.

So Trump.45 is celebrating the exit of a ‘friend’ and supporter, and the likely entrance of a vigorous and vocal Trump.45 hater: the loser Romney-2012 Edition. Trump.45 is celebrating in his tweet the loss of a pat on the back for a likely punch in the gut.

Why is Trump.45 congratulating Hatch? He should be offering oxygen and durable medical equipment support. And don’t think Steve Bannon and his crowd are going to get Trump.45 anywhere in Utah with some Alt-Right spoiler wacko candidate challenger against Romney, either.

Trump is already suffering under the burden of a reduced Senate majority after December’s Alabama special election where he messed himself. If Romney runs and wins (more than a fair bet in Mormon dominated Utah), Romney will no doubt caucus as a Republican, but promptly throw serious shade on a number of Trump.45’s favorite things, especially gutting U.S. health care (modeled after Romney’s winning formula in Massachusetts back in the day), and Trump.45’s personal fever to play Patty Cake with Russian trickster Putin.

Today’s Jerusalem Twit Bon Bon

But the near dinner time Trump spécialité de la maison is no doubt Trump.45 Twit claim, loud and proud, that “We have taken Jerusalem, the toughest part of the negotiation, off the table,”

For the sake of comity, let us ignore the delusional thinking that inspires this little missive. Trump.45 didn’t bother to consult with anyone, like Rex Baby (All Alone Over at the Erstwhile State Department), or Trump.45’s trio of My Generals (McMaster, Mattis, and Kelly), who are supposed to level out Trump.45’s mental boat rocking.

Feigning modesty, Trump.45 uses the plural “We” (to indicate the entire United States, its citizens, and its power) when he really means “I, DJT, the Only Decider About Such Things”.

DJT, no matter how superbly he rules in his own mind, is not the World’s Decider for Anything, much less a two thousand year old dispute about what nation, state or tribe controls Jerusalem for its capital city. Even during last 70 years, the U.S. has not and is not now the controller. Our big money doesn’t reap dividends, doesn’t secure loyalty sufficient to the task, and no one is bought off. We don’t have troops on the ground to enforce decisions, nor trade sanctions harsh enough to compel a result. We don’t hold serious sway in the United Nations on this issue, and as the recent General Assembly vote on Egypt’s Israel resolution shows, Trump.45, with all his bluster and arm twisting, managed to induce exactly 9 other countries in the World (out of 193 chances) to stand up and be counted with him. Some Decider he Is. Flopperoo, baby.

Enlisting charming Nikki Haley (to introduce a more subtle feminine touch outside her steel truncheon glove threats to take names) did him no practical good whatever. The World said, “O.K. Take Names. Now What?”

Trump.45’s deal making skills in this arena are so cracked and poorly developed, the Palestinians (surely an essential primary party of interest in the Israeli-Palestinian dispute), won’t even admit America to the negotiating table. Trump.45’s bum foolery has left the door open to Canada and France, among others to pick up the diplomacy torch in seeking a solution. Trump.45 a Loser to France? France? Really?

Our oldest allies in Europe have turned their backs on Trump’s dribbling invective, and seek common ground elsewhere.

Trump.45, with no expertise in the history or culture of the Holy Land and its constituent parts, then doubles down by further insulting Palestinians by referencing small change U.S. aid money numbers to buy off their capitulation (compared to Pakistan).

Why Trump.45 thinks that moving the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem takes the issue of whose capital it shall be off the table is beyond fathoming. Trump.45 is head of his own little increasingly irrelevant little blowhard band trying to achieve a lasting Middle East Peace Deal. Rex is pointless, Jared is worthless, Greenblatt is who exactly, and Miller doesn’t have a clue.

Straight from the horse’s ass:

“It is something that I think is frankly, maybe, not as difficult as people have thought over the years.”

The it will be so easy Peace deal with son-in-law Jared leading the way is now already a broken pipe dream. Who knew this diplomatic stuff could be so complicated. And Trump.45 screwed up VP Mike Pence’s Christmas time pilgrimage to Bethlehem this year to boot. Another small personal slight to Pence, analogous to the one delivered last Soring to devout Catholic Sean Spicer, as he was summarily excluded from a special private audience with the Pope, while Jewish son-in law Jared, and daughter Ivanka (a Jewish convert) were invited to meet the Pope with the President’s party. Religious slights sting deep, and are never forgotten. To Trump, all of this fol de rol is so much stuff and nonsense, a tempest in a tiny teacup. Everyone should just suck it up, and take it for the Trump Team.

Trump.45 is the Decider, the Only One Whose Opinion Counts. If all the reluctant parties would just do as he wishes, it would be so hugely great. There would be a big, fat, beautiful lasting peace, and Trump.45 would then no doubt invite everybody to s lavish extra party at Ma-a-Lago to celebrate their wise decision to follow the Magnificent Trumpian Leadership Path.

All of Trump.45’s political pretentions on the Global Scale is sadly humorous, but not unexpected, but it turns out even in Trump World he can’t get the simple facts straight.

Trump.45 offered a hollow paper declaration of future performance causing all this fuss. The U.S. Embassy in Israel is still in Tel Aviv, not Jerusalem, and couldn’t be moved for at least three or four years from the earliest. And that’s assuming there aren’t new security concerns that would further delay any actual attempt to acquire, renovate, and move, and that Congress agrees to pony up the dough, re, mi to pay for it.

World Geography 101: Google Style

Here is where the true power of the World Wide Web takes its place as a factual arbiter and conciliator Everybody knows Trump.45 is far too often factually, linguistically, historically, and mathematically challenged in person and by Twit.

Thank the Lord for Google and Google Maps, a non-partisan data source for stuff like this. Google knows a whole bunch about geography and foreign places. It bests the heck out of a printed Hammond World Atlas or a Rand McNally World Map, and even this magnificent 32-inch Diplomat Replogle floor globe.(so far beyond the trusty12-inch Replogle Explorer globe of my childhood years). And Google’s map databases are constantly updated; no need to wait for annual revisions or edits.

Google Maps is the World Standard for current Geographic and geopolitical information available to the general public. O.K. the U.S. Department of Defense or NSA may have some super secret satellite spy network mapping system down to a resolution of a couple of inches or so hidden away somewhere, but for publically accessible data Google is Cock of the Walk, folks.

So here’s the basic U.S. Embassy Geo-locator test.

Sit down at computer. Launch your favorite internet browser, Navigate to Google Maps.

Ask Google Maps the simple straightforward question: “U.S. Embassy Britain” in the Search Box, and you get…

Insert Britain image

Google Maps is on it. Lickety-split, tout de suite. Street map, overhead satellite views, address, directions, you name it.

Google is no one-trick pony. Here are the results in order for France (Map 02), Russia (Map 030, China (Map 04), and Saudi Arabia (Map 05).

Google Maps. Smart, at your service, no fees. Accurate to a meter or two. You don’t even need to know the country’s capital city in order to get the correct answer.

As for Israel (Map 06), here’s the result (as of January 2, 2018):

Wait, Wait!! I didn’t know Jerusalem was on the edge of a large body of water. On closer inspection, that’s because it isn’t The body of water shown is the Mediterranean Sea, and the U.S. Embassy was and is located in Tel Aviv. Not Jerusalem.

And Google should know.

Trump didn’t take the Jerusalem question off the table. He doesn’t decide for the Palestinians the Israelis, our Allies, or the Rest of the World. He postures and bloviates, and assumes facts not in evidence, and offers bribe-like incentives that are too cheap to matter. He can’t persuade, he can’t bully, he can’t bribe, he’s got nothing but a future promise Wolf Ticket.

Even if you believe Trump.45 intends to move the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem some day, a building and personnel relocation which doesn’t have any magical powers by itself either, nothing will happen for several years in the actual real world where people are living, and struggling, and fighting right now.

By the time the physical transition occurs, if it does, the World will have moved on, and have other big fish to fry. And you can have a framed Wolf Ticket to mount.

Trump.45 thus offers us a complex treat of delusional thinking, supernatural powers of time shifting, visions of external kinetic mind control at a distance, political insults, and poor poker bluffery in a single double twit.

If Trump.45 wanted to be taken semi-seriously, he would have offered at least a fig leaf of an acquisition, construction, and transfer plan with a project completion date range. So he’s selling a bargain basement Wolf Ticket with no goodies or sign-up early bonus prizes. Hollow ringing, echo chamber.

You’ve got to admire the man’s solid brass chutzpah.

Andy Devine and Froggy’s Magic Twanger

I can’t help it. As a white male, raised in New York, in the 1950’s, just like he was, Trump.45’s recent behavior increasingly reminds me of a massively favorite kids show from the time called Andy’s Gang. Running from 1955-1960 on the NBC network, Andy had a recurrent cast of familiar characters, including Midnight the Cat and Froggy the Gremlin., who starred in comedy sketches on the show,

Trump.45 undoubtedly saw the show as a child, along with the rest of America’s kiddie universe.

Besides Andy’s unforgettable voice, my favorite character was Froggy (the Gremlin)..

Here are a couple of skits found on YouTube.

This is a classic Andy-Froggy introduction . Andy tries to control his weight, and Froggy messes with him bigly.

Insert froggy

In this second clip from YouTube, Midnight the Cat plays a Black Indian, pursued by a Frontier hamster, and later Froggy gets the better of (repeatedly) straight man Billy Gilbert.

Watch it closely, squint one eye, and you’ll easily see Trump.45 in the role of Benny, with Putin playing Froggy over Trump’s shoulder, running the show.

In this third and last clip, Froggy constantly gets the better of a heavily accented Italian (immigrant). Froggy (the anticipatory Alt-Right proto-gremlin) is playing our Trump.45 character (Pasta Fazooli) like a tuba (not a fiddle).

Pepe the Frog in gestation six decades ago, up to no good whatever. Just like his spiritual descendants today messing with the rest of us. Funny on TV, troublesome in the real light of day. Sad to think millions of Twitter followers might actually believe the skit’s mischief, without the laugh track playing in the background to clue the less perceptive audience members into the joke.

You would think kids watching Froggy all those years ago would remember the lessons, and be wise to his tricks watching them again as grown men and women, and not fall for them so credulously.

Plunk Your Magic Twanger, Froggy! America, Look Out!!

Andy’s Froggy was a naughty, disruptive prankster back then, but not fundamentally evil like today’s recycled versions of White Supremacists, Extremists, and Neo Nazis fringers.

Who could imagine that a kids comedy writer in 1955 would anticipate some themes of modern U.S. political satire so closely, 65 years later?

Is this similarity due to the wonder of American TV creativity from the Golden days, or the essential lack of originality of Trump.45 mental workspace after all these years?

Tough call.

The saddest call of all is that Andy’s Froggy was playing for laughs in 1955. Today Trump.45 is just plain nasty, and not playing at all. He’s actually become serious, by dint of a staggering number of repetitions before dull witted audiences.

In short, Trump.45 has convinced himself of his own fantasy construct.

Woe is us,, if we fail to pay attention to meddling, interference, fakery, and deception.

Google Maps is very, very good. And not just for the rich and famous country locations, To test the waters of inclusion, here are the U.S.Embassy test results from Google for South Korea, Burkina Faso, Sudan, Ukraine, and Zimbabwe, in order.

insert maps

Not to put too much of a fine point on it, it is quite likely that Trump.45 has never heard of some of them, though he is supposed to appoint an Ambassador to each.